beware, otaku syndrome

I'm talking about those species wearing typical nerdy clothes (consists of wrinkled - the colour probably WAS blue - grey jeans, an equally wrinkled jacket or shirt, scrappy sandals, ketchup-stained thin t-shirt) that seems about a week unwashed, unbathed limbs (judging from the smell), messy greasy hair and equally greasy face, wearing a Japan-symbolized headband, got out from _public_ transportations without thinking that they probably might have caused half of the passangers experienced multiple nauseas.

And there are many of them. Not just two or three. Many.
Geez.
I thought those Narutards, Bleachbitches, Gundumbs, and those fat Fauxloli have already hit the lowest point of all otaku forms around.

I read this article and grateful that I have my sanity with me.


Various Subspecies of Otaku

moeOtaku
moeOtaku is the common stereotype of an anime fan.
These are the "ugly" nerds featured on TV and videos portraying the Japanese otaku since the visual impact is far greater. It’s just like how African Americans are always Gangsters and Rappers while Chinese all know Kung Fu.
moeOtaku wear t-shirts emblazoned with their favourite icons like Nekomimi but do not bother to wash them. Their collars are always loose and overstretched. All moeOtaku are male but not homosexual.
moeOtaku love to decorate their nests with the latest figures, posters and other merchandise of the moe kind. But contrary to most animals who do likewise, this is not to attract mates but rather boost their credibility to fellow moeOtaku. Like peacocks, they also strut around in the latest otaku apparel such as keyholders and handphone straps dangling all over the place. They communicate via moe-music played through handphones.
Hangs out at home, away from predators such as girls (who’ll attack their self-esteem) and men (who’ll steal their money and smash their balls).


Troll
They stay in the safety of their homes, in front of their computer screens and away from predators. The Troll is mainly an opportunistic feeder and a scavenger, very low down the food chain.
A devilish smile which is never shown to anyone or thing besides the computer monitor. Slimy hands which are a result of hyperactive sweat glands overstimulated by the pleasure of attacking cyberspace. Pale complexion often mistaken as an albino phenotype but this is purely due to their nocturnal habits.
Finger food and other instant products that can be conveniently consumed while in front of the Internet.

Fat Yaoi FanGirl (FYG)
Their sheer mass rumbles the crust of the Earth. Their shrill screams pierce through the noisiest environments and deafen non-FYG fauna.
They froth from the mouth with Berserker Madness when presented with an opportunity to feast on "Yaoi" (gay artistic porn). Male Idols, pretty boys and imaginary gay relationships with very straight men are also palatable to these wonderous large animals.
They stake their territory against lesser subspecies like the moeOtaku through a variety of methods. The warstomp, an earth-shaking stamp on the land, is done to warn others of her aggressive intent. It is also not uncommon for these creatures to use their main weapon, mass, like Shaquille O’Neal, to shoulder charge for space in a crowded area. Small animals, stay away from these hulking beasts.



Closetnerd
They are the masters of camouflage. They are everywhere but nowhere. Closetnerds masquerade as normal people and get away with it most of the time. They do not have predators but are quite isolated, solitary creatures.
Pained existence. They are unable to join any social group and unleash their true nerdness. Luckily, Closetnerds may evolve to any of the other types of nerds when properly exposed.

Narutard
For supposed "ninjas", they do not possess any stealth at all. Hunted down by all other sub species of Otaku, these are the lowest and most primitive life forms in the North American biosphere. They however, mistakenly think of themselves as "Konoha Ninjas", an elite class of warriors with abilities of the super natural. This is not true and often results in their defeat by other otaku.
May appear in two forms, the orthodox Narutard or the more recent evolution, "Bleachbitch". The latters are Narutards who have evolved slightly. Bleachbitches detest Narutards and look upon them with disdain. Narutards always sport a ninja headband on their bodies. They have nimble fingers from mimicking the ninja handseals. Female and Male, sometimes at the same time.
Other habits include a delusional insistence that Naruto is the best anime ever created in the history of the Universe.

Lolita
They don the haute couture of the Otakudom and are generally considered the Apex females. Hunted by most other male otakus without much success. The only organism capable of stopping a FYG stampede.
Extremely attractive to all males and females. Fashionable and vain, these females are the equivalent of Elfs from Middle Earth. But most male otakus are unable to judge if these are real Lolitas or Fauxloli due to a lack of fashion aesthetics judging capability.
Due to their high maintenance, Lolitas are generally snobby and catty females who look upon the rest of mankind as teabags. Used ones. They also tear the subspecies Fauxloli, asunder with their sharp claws and evil words.


Fauxloli
Failed transformations of Lolitas. They are cruelly abused by their masters, the Lolitas. A damned existence.
Despite their apparent failures, they still retain the snobbishness of Lolita. Despite the rest of mankind looking upon them as used teabags, they treat others as dirt too.

Gundumb
Almost as despised as Narutard, Gundumbs are divided into two vastly different types - the Alternate Era (AE) and the Universal Century (UC). Both loathe the other.
Population: Sudden explosion after the release of Gundam Seed. There are many female AEs but no female UCs. UC population has been steadily declining over the years.
AEs are generally similar in form to FYGs and Narutards. UCs are usually old men or stubborn nerds.
Both have similar habits of buying large quantities of processed plastic but differ vastly in their choice of machine. AEs prefer the "Freedom", a totally unrealistic porcupine of laser cannons. UCs love the "Zaku", a machine which represents themselves…. one eyed and gaudy. The two variants also differ in their battle cries, AE screaming "KIRA-SAMA!! ATHRUN-SAMA!!" while UCs prefer a more stoic "SIEG ZEON!!"

Hmm...
Which one are you?